I’m not sure where I get this crazy idea that christian community should be easy and perfect. That would be completely unrealistic, unhuman, and unbiblical. Yet, I’m frustrated by the imperfection that I still find. I expect that when people find Christian community that they will be loved, accepted, and shown grace by the people around them. It can happen, I’ve felt the effects of people treating me like that at times. I’ve tried to show it myself to the others around me.
But you can never show that perfectly. Someone is always left out, someone is always not included. I tend to take a lot of responsibility when people are critical of the community I’m involved in. I feel like they are dissing me personally. Maybe its because I try so hard sometimes to get everyone involved. Maybe its because I feel like I have failed. I let the team down. Sorry.
But I know that I have limitations. I cannot talk to everyone, I cannot show love to everyone, I cannot include everyone. I do not have that capacity. It is freeing to realize that. Does that mean I ignore those people that I know are hurting though? How do I work within my limitations to do the best that I can, while still not feeling like a failure everytime someone says something negative about our community?
Real people are hurting out there. Who should I persue? Who does God want me to persue?