I’m not sure where I get this crazy idea that christian community should be easy and perfect. That would be completely unrealistic, unhuman, and unbiblical. Yet, I’m frustrated by the imperfection that I still find. I expect that when people find Christian community that they will be loved, accepted, and shown grace by the people around them. It can happen, I’ve felt the effects of people treating me like that at times. I’ve tried to show it myself to the others around me.

But you can never show that perfectly. Someone is always left out, someone is always not included. I tend to take a lot of responsibility when people are critical of the community I’m involved in. I feel like they are dissing me personally. Maybe its because I try so hard sometimes to get everyone involved. Maybe its because I feel like I have failed. I let the team down. Sorry.

But I know that I have limitations. I cannot talk to everyone, I cannot show love to everyone, I cannot include everyone. I do not have that capacity. It is freeing to realize that. Does that mean I ignore those people that I know are hurting though? How do I work within my limitations to do the best that I can, while still not feeling like a failure everytime someone says something negative about our community?

Real people are hurting out there. Who should I persue? Who does God want me to persue?

Today was one of those days where I woke up in a funk, and never completely left it. Reading an article in GQ magazine about Christian Music Festivals made me think a lot about what people who do not call themselves Christians think of us. It makes me think that I’m some kind of freak, some kind of weirdo, maybe I’m the one wrong, and they’re the one that’s right.

There’s something scary about that. Something I can’t quite put my finger on. I’m sure some would read this post and believe that I’m simply scared to leave the bounds of my comfortable Christian worldview. While that may be part of it, I don’t think that’s the foremost part of the feeling I’ve got. I think sometimes the problem is that I cannot explain its rationale in human terms. I’m not sure how to defend it, as if it needs defending.

But there are days when I read the word and it just smacks of truth. Doubt dissipates. Jesus responds to John the Baptist in an interesting way in Luke 7:18-23. John is in prison for preaching, and so he sends his disciples to question Jesus. “Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?” John was questioning if his whole ministry was pointless, if he had it wrong the whole time. That gut-wrenching kind of doubt you get.

Jesus responds in an interesting way. He doesn’t rebuke John or his disciples; he doesn’t tell them to just forget doubting. He says “Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.”

When doubt hits me, I look back at what God has done for me, who he has impacted around me, how he has changed me. Doubt dissipates.

Last year in my Classical Politics class I got to read some of the greats like Plato and Aristotle. I enjoyed reading Plato. I felt like I could connect to some of his philosophys because it was so true for all of humanity. One of my favorite ideas that I took out of that class was a quote from one of his books that said,

“The learning and knowledge that we have, is, at the most, but little compared with that of which we are ignorant.”

Essentially, I feel like the more I learn, the less I know. College has been like that for me, I entered college as a young bright student feeling like I essentially knew everything. Almost four years later I have learned so much, and yet most of what I know is how massive this world is, and how many subjects I have not yet delved into.

I doubt that God intended for us to be able to figure everything out, but he gave us an intellect for a reason. I’m glad that the Bible isn’t so self explanatory that it can be figured out with a glance. Otherwise faith wouldn’t be involved. No good idea or theory is without complexities. At the risk of sounding too postmodern, I think what the church needs is more open dialogue. Doubt is discouraged, placed at the back of our minds so that we won’t have to face the hard questions in our journey with Christ.

This site is simply a place for Ross and myself to post our thoughts. Specifically, our thoughts on Christian spirituality. I hope that we will confront some of those doubts here. This is an open dialogue, Ross and I will throw thoughts back and forth, and I hope that you’ll contribute as well by posting yours in comments. Check back soon, as we’ll be posting again any day.